Ars Rodentia

EPONINE: On my ownPretending he’s beside meAll aloneI...

Sat, 04 Jun 2011 13:02:00 -0400

EPONINE:

On my own
Pretending he’s beside me
All alone
I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me

Catherine Sparkleputz shines in the latest production of Les Miserables. Although a lot of praise has been directed towards Kitty Bittieface, Sparkleputz is the true star here. Some critics are complaining that her performance is melodramatic and maudlin. Others say her over the top pathos upstages her co-stars. One thing’s for sure, Sparkleputz looks like a sad street cat about to die. Bravo!

RIFF: When you’re a JetYou’re a Jet all the...

Tue, 31 May 2011 16:13:00 -0400

RIFF:

When you’re a Jet
You’re a Jet all the way
From your first cigarette
To your last dyin’ day.

“Jet Song” from West Side Story by Leonard Bernstein and Stephen Sondheim

In this latest interpretation of the American classic, the Jets are played by Lemurs and the Sharks by Chinchillas. Renegade director, Andrew Armadiaz, says that his hope is to revolutionize musical theatre by including lesser known rodent races. Skeptics say that many of his performers lack the polish of tradition rat, mouse and hamster led companies. Armadiaz said he can take the criticism as he is tough skinned. Critics fired back that making puns about being an armadillo is incredibly tacky.

Esteemed film actress Dogann Keaton will be giving a talk on...

Wed, 27 Apr 2011 13:54:21 -0400

Esteemed film actress Dogann Keaton will be giving a talk on Friday about her career, her craft and overcoming dog menopause. In particular, Dogann is keen to discuss her work in the the 1990’s film, The First Pets Club. She said, “When we sang ‘You Don’t Own Me’ in the film, I really feel it was a defining moment to show other dogs, puppies and pets that we don’t have to succumb to the primeval obedience training our so-called owners put us through.”

ALL: It’s the hard-knock life for us It’s the...

Sat, 16 Apr 2011 11:32:00 -0400

ALL:

It’s the hard-knock life for us
It’s the hard-knock life for us
No one cares for you a smidge
When you’re in an orphanage

“It’s The Hard-Knock Life” from Annie, by Charles Strouse and Martin Charnin

All of the orphans in this latest revival of Annie are played by puppies found in a local pound. While the producers have told the press that the musical has saved these puppies from a short life in a shelter, investigative journalist Cat Carson has discovered that the puppies are still living in the pound and are only receiving a small stipend of five biscuits a week for their work. For shame!

Hostess Quickly: He hath eaten me out of house and home, he...

Thu, 14 Apr 2011 13:48:00 -0400

Hostess Quickly:

He hath eaten me out of house and home, he hathput all my substance into that fat belly of his: but I will have someof it out again, or I will ride thee a-nights like the mare.

Falstaff:

I think I am as like to ride the mare if I have any vantage of ground to get up.

Henry The Fourth, Part 2 Act 2, scene 1, 74–79 by William Shakespeare

Legendary British actor, Squillfred Butternet, oozes charisma as John Falstaff in Henry IV. Jimmy McSquibbens dazzles in the title role, but critics and audiences alike are calling Butternet the star of the production. One snarky columnist even went so far as to suggest that Butternet had eaten McSquibbens alive. It would certainly explain his ever expanding girth. Then again, Butternet is a fan of the Macadamia Nuts.

Yo, check it. I’m running around in circles for this hot...

Wed, 13 Apr 2011 10:55:00 -0400

Yo, check it. I’m running around in circles for this hot female lab mouse. You know the type: white skin, tiny claws, chemically altered blue eyes. Anyway, this mouse, she left me for this motherf#$ing rat named Algernon. I asked her what he does for her that I don’t. She said that when he runs around in circles he’s actually getting somewhere.

I hope that bitch gets cancer treatment trials, ‘cause she was a tumor on me! Y’know what I’m saying? What? HAMSTER TIME!

Def Hamster Comedy Jam

NELLIE:I’m gonna wash that man right outa my...

Mon, 04 Apr 2011 15:56:00 -0400

NELLIE:
I’m gonna wash that man right outa my hair,
I’m gonna wash that man right outa my hair,
I’m gonna wash that man right outa my hair,
And send him on his way.

South Pacific, by Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II

Gilly Pygerton plays Nellie in this delightful revival of the Rodgers and Hammerstein romantic classic now on tour. What Pygerton lacks in talent or depth, she makes up for in charm and comedic timing. There has been some controversy over the fact that all the Polynesian characters are played by rats, mice and other street rodents, while the Western characters are portrayed by domesticated rodents. This type of casting was traditional in the 1950’s, but seems almost rodentist now. Nevertheless, it’s an enjoyable performance that gives local dinner theatre a run for its money.

Jimmy McSquibbins plays Alan Strang in a new production of Peter...

Thu, 31 Mar 2011 17:52:12 -0400

Jimmy McSquibbins plays Alan Strang in a new production of Peter Shaffer’s Equus now on the West End. The thespian squirrel extraordinaire is drawing attention from Parent Councils because unlike Daniel Radcliffe, who was naked on stage for one scene in the play, McSquibbens is naked for the entire play. A true scandal for an already scandalous play!

ABC has announced that next season’s Bachelor will be...

Wed, 30 Mar 2011 10:51:00 -0400

ABC has announced that next season’s Bachelor will be Golden Retriever pup, Shadow Goldberg. Executives say they hope viewers fall in love with Shadow and his quest to find a new owner now that his has died in a freak hang-gliding accident. Shadow is in training to be a seeing eye dog, can play ultimate frisbee, and has a bandanna collection that would make any lady dog lose her mind. Some TV critics are already wondering how Shadow’s abandonment issues will affect the game. One thing’s for sure, America is sure to have puppy love for this lovely pup.

Here’s Mother Courage and her Children! Mother Courage and...

Tue, 29 Mar 2011 13:36:46 -0400

Here’s Mother Courage and her Children!

Mother Courage and Her Children by Bertolt Brecht

Reinhold Rattigan’s all mouse opossum production of Mother Courage and Her Children will be in New York from now until the end of May. The show was a runaway success throughout Europe last year and gave Rattigan the momentum he needed to return to the West End and Broadway stages. Some critics say that the production was actually lacking Brecht’s original bite and that audiences were merely dazzled by the whimsy of a cast that originated in Peru. Still, the performance of Anita Opossumirez as Mother Courage should not be missed. Her South American twang adds a new, confusing dimension to the classic Germanic role.

The Girl: I know how I want you to say goodbyeFind a circus...

Mon, 28 Mar 2011 11:05:04 -0400

The Girl:

I know how I want you to say goodbye
Find a circus ring with a flying trapeze
Tell me on a Sunday please

“Tell Me On a Sunday” from Tell Me On A Sunday by Andrew Lloyd Webber, lyrics by Don Black

Gigi Googoopaws plays “The Girl” in a new off-Broadway production of Tell Me On A Sunday. Googoopaws is a recent graduate of Juliard’s Cat Performer Program and brings a polish to her performance that few actresses can touch. She is said to be in the running for the role of April in the new all-animal version of Sondheim’s Company. Snagging a role in that production would put Googoopaws on the map, as her costars would include stage favorites like Irina Hamstrov (playing Marta) and Catburt McTigglesworth (already cast as Larry). Her main competition is said to be Helga Hedger. The drama continues!

Fluffy Mufftail and Dolly Pawsons are the two cats in the...

Wed, 23 Mar 2011 15:42:00 -0400

Fluffy Mufftail and Dolly Pawsons are the two cats in the running for the lead in the hotly anticipated film adaptation of The Meow Mix Games. The story takes place in a dystopian future in which pets belong to the government and once a year they compete in televised games to murder each other. “It’s like the puppy bowl, but with all pets, and they all fight to the death. Oh, and Meow Mix is supposed to be the sponsor,” said producer Grover Ratheart. Production is set to start soon so expect an announcement in the next week.

There is already criticism coming from the fans saying Mufftail and Pawsons are too old for the lead role of Catniss, but fan favorite, Kittie Bittieface, is too young for the role and tied up with Broadway commitments. Fans still say that Bittieface shares the same calico-grey coloring of Catniss in the novels, but others have pointed out that Mufftail’s and Pawson’s coats can be colored. Stay tuned!

Star of stage and screen, Elizacat Taylor died today. Even...

Wed, 23 Mar 2011 15:22:35 -0400

Star of stage and screen, Elizacat Taylor died today. Even though she spent her whole life in the spotlight, it was often her personal life that garnered the most attention. She had nine spouses, including famed tenor, Sergio Felino, cat food empresario, Cesar Catorzi and legendary entertainer, Bojangles Bobcat. Former spouse number six, Catburt McTigglesworth, released a statement saying, “Elizacat was a beautiful cat. Though many remember how fond she was of opulence, she was even more passionate about helping the lives of others. Countless strays found homes and were vaccinated because of her charity work. I’ll never forget nestling in her luxurious fur, but I’ll also never forget her kindness.”

She made the most of her nine lives; to honor her memory, we should do the same.

(At press time, it was still unclear what would happen to her trademark cat fragrance: Litter Crystals)

GPOYW Thanks for following the blog! I have a personal blog...

Wed, 23 Mar 2011 13:49:07 -0400

GPOYW

Thanks for following the blog! I have a personal blog where I gripe about myself and talk about doing comedy in New York and post links to articles I write for reputable websites. You don’t have to follow it, but if you are curious about what type of lunatic devotes huge chunks of time during her day to google image searching photos of rodents in dramatic poses and thinking of what work of art would correlate to the photo and then creating the back story, then…um…sure…look me up.

The senior editor of Vogue Rodentia, Anastasia Tiddlywinks,...

Tue, 22 Mar 2011 14:33:00 -0400

The senior editor of Vogue Rodentia, Anastasia Tiddlywinks, takes time out of her busy schedule of judging important people to judge the unimportant photographer taking her picture. He may not be a Patrick Meerkatilier, but our paparazzo captures the frosty elegance of Ms. Tiddlywinks perfectly. Ms. Tiddlywinks made the bold choice to wear a Batburry trench to a Hamstermes runway show. Scandal!

Promotional picture for Blue Egg Group now in limited...

Tue, 22 Mar 2011 12:05:08 -0400

Promotional picture for Blue Egg Group now in limited off-Broadway run.

Blue Egg Group has swept the world with its unique approach to theater. Some detractors claim the show lacks any narrative force or true character work from the performers. Its fans say that’s not the point. It’s about innocence and identity and the natural world meeting technology and other ideas that transcend plot or dialogue.

Tickets on sale online and at the Astor Egg Theater. Ticket prices range from $25-$175.

FREDDY: I have often walked down this street before; But the...

Tue, 22 Mar 2011 10:00:00 -0400

FREDDY:

I have often walked down this street before;
But the pavement always stayed beneath my feet before.
All at once am I Several stories high.
Knowing I’m on the street where you live.
Are there lilac trees in the heart of town?
Can you hear a lark in any other part of town?
Does enchantment pour Out of ev’ry door?
No, it’s just on the street where you live!

My Fair Lady by Lerner & Loewe, based upon Pygmalion by George Bernard Shaw.

Chip Monkovich co-stars as Freddy opposite Catburt McTigglesworth and Helga Hedger in My Fair Lady. Monkovich brought what one critic called “an easy charm to a thankless role.” Another critic remarked that Monkovich usually brings romantic verve to all his roles, but seemed overwhelmed on stage by McTigglesworth’s aura. Who can blame him?

Famed celebrity photographer, Patrick DeMeerkatilier, sets up...

Mon, 21 Mar 2011 15:31:07 -0400

Famed celebrity photographer, Patrick DeMeerkatilier, sets up the camera for his latest Vogue Rodentia cover shoot. Helga Hedger graces the cover with a violet headpiece from Oscar de la Rata atop her quills. DeMeerkatilier is said to be riding high following his first critically-acclaimed exhibition at the Whitney Museum.

STANLEY: STELLA!!!!! A Streetcar Named Desire, by Tennessee...

Mon, 21 Mar 2011 12:00:08 -0400

STANLEY:

STELLA!!!!!

A Streetcar Named Desire, by Tennessee Williams

Bilbo Cooncat stuns audiences as Stanley Kowalski in director Daniel Duckworth’s production of Tennessee Williams’s famed drama. Cooncat dominates the stage with his massive body and intense manner. One woman in the front row actually suffered a panic attack during his performance. “Most actors fear the audience,” said Duckworth, “but our audiences are afraid of Bilbo.” Maybe that’s because his costars are hamsters and rats and people are worried he might eat them, but our sources tell us that off-stage, Cooncat is a big softie. Besides his addiction to catnip, his only vice is giving sweet hugs.

“I like to watch people. Sometimes I ride the subway all...

Mon, 21 Mar 2011 10:00:07 -0400

“I like to watch people. Sometimes I ride the subway all day and look at them and listen to them. I just want to figure out who they are and what they want and where they’re going.”
— Ray Bradbury, Farenheit 451

Young film auteur, Liam Mousekins, is headed to Cannes this year with his first feature length film, Love Underground. The film follows a young urban mouse as he spends a day on the subway and the human beings he encounters. Mousekins says it was difficult shooting human scenes from a mouse-eye view, but he wanted to show how humans aren’t all that different from the mice and rats they share the subway with. “In the end, we’re all lost souls trying to make a connection. Some of us make that connection in Grand Central and some of us make it with our souls.” Mousekins also stars in the film as Liev Lousekins. One hopes it’s as good as his visceral short from two years ago, “Tragedy on the Third Rail”, which was the true story of his girlfriend being run over on the tracks by an oncoming N train.